I’m in one of those weird moods again where I feel like my misery at work has hidden my personality.
Didn’t help that Jon sprung it on me that Lewis was staying over tonight. So not only do I have to contend with them having a bitch about me not going out with them, I will probably also have to contend with entertaining Lewis tomorrow morning and thus wasting a day of my weekend trying to get him out of my house. I don’t mind people staying, I’m more than happy for them to stay, but really not when I’m in a foul mood, had a bad week and want a weekend to myself.
Anyway…on a positive note again (I realise that today has been a day of whinging but it is needed), I have made some delicious carrot cupcakes and chocolate orange cupcakes. And I have an interview arranged for a part time weekend job at Boots. I’m determined to pay off all of my debts to my mum and save some money for next year.
Kitty update: its still there. But I really really can’t bring myself to pick it up, it’s poor head is in such a state.
Feel so guilty not taking it somewhere. Surely somebody brave enough will take her soon? I can’t fathom how I spent a year caring for the elderly and dying and cleaning the dead ready for their final resting spots, but when it comes to animals I can’t touch them. So so sad.
Just goes to show how much of an animal lover I am :/
Driving Jon to work, see a car hit a cat, race off and leave the poor cat fitting all over the road. It died quickly. But I couldn’t stomach looking at it. It made it to the path, but I feel so bad for not looking to see of ot had any ID….I’m not squeamish normally, but at this point I was. It had a collar so it was owned obviously.
When I came back home it was still laid on the path so I asked mum what I should do and she said that RSPCA don’t collect dead animals. The council aren’t working on weekends and the next best thing to do is call the police. They weren’t interested. I’m going to drive up there in an hour or so and see if it’s been picked up. If it hasn’t then I’m going to have to pull myself together and wrap it up and take it to a vets to see if it’s chipped so the owners can be contacted.
I hate that people would be so ignorant as to do that to an animal. I had to have a little cry. This is the reason why I HATE that people don’t put collars on their pets with details on. If something like this happens and your pet doesn’t have your details on it, then it could be struck off as a stray.
Watching Chicago while I prep all my resources for my session tomorrow and my god.
It has taken me back to my teenage years when I absolutely LOVED to dance, like loved loved loved dancing with a passion. I spent 2 out of 5 of my lunchtimes in the dance studio and always stayed on a Tuesday night for more dance time. I used to know Chicago and Cats move for move (and Cats I know I still do)….weirdly I have just found myself sofa dancing along to Chicago…I haven’t forgotten!
Maybe this is why I was so thin as a teenager. Maybe I should just go back to dancing 3 times a week.
When you scrape out the tin because you so badly want that cup of Hazelnut White hot chocolate. Forever my favourite. I think after payday I might need to take a trip to Whittards to stock up on new hot chocolates.
I just remembered how excited I got on Monday when Home Sense had start3d to put xmas goodies out. I liked that my mum was asking for my advice on her xmas decorations for this year because she likes that I always keep it traditional and she’s all fed up of her usual xmas decor (that is b&m bargain theme)…..I might have sneakily already bought some new decor for the tree this year already. Hehehehehe.
I’m not sat watching Vlogmas videos on youtube at all.
Also, I so cannot wait for Sunday morning sausages and beer at the German market with Jon.
Me and mother had some serious conversation going on today.
We both discovered we have no idea what to do at the moment. We’re both stucj in a slight rut.
So she came up with the idea of clearing the house out….which is a good idea. I think that all the clutter and ‘stuff’ that were hoarding is just cluttering our minds and clouding our decisions. If we clear all of the crap that we don’t need then we might be able to make better judgements about things. Already yesterday I spontaneously decided to clear out the shed, taking a tonne of boxes to the tip. And today I’ve cleared half the living room of any crap.
It’s so easy to create mess when there’s crap lying around. It doesn’t help that jons keeping his mind clear by making 3 different costumes at once….in the living room. I think tomorrow I’ll clear the rest of the shed out and surprise him with a shiny nice workshop to do his work in from now on. We also bought a cute little bathroom cabinet and some shelving for the bathroom today which will help us clear the bathroom a bit nicer, get all our(by our I mean my) toiletries hidden away in a cabinet.
I love it. My mum then asked me the dreaded question….’do you think it’s just radiography that you want to do?’ STOP PUTTING THE IDEA IN MY HEAD!!!!
I got home from work and thought ‘My God my brain is so tired today’. Then I realised….
I spent my morning learning more about window lintels and joists than I could ever know. Spent my lunchtime in a seminar about insulation. Spent my afternoon learning MORE IT stuff than I ever deemed necessary to know (hey I thought thats what IT guus were for). I then proceeded to get home and do some studying for my Nutrition Practitioner course, and THEN do my reading up on dementia and preparing a slideshow and ‘activity packs’ for my first public dementia session next week then ANOTHER slideshow and different activity packs for the cubs and scouts sessions I’ve got in October. Did I mention that I also spent a good 2 hours today emailing local schools and colleges asking to do sessions because I get paid by work to go out and volunteer?
I now realise why my brain is so tired. Nonetheless, I’m still going to sit and do some more nutrition studying.
When you spend the afternoon running around after your boyfriend….then he gets a grump on because, me being banished to the bedroom and watching Youtube because he’s got a new PS game, knocks the internet off intentionally (obviously) so that he loses his game.
When you stop off on your way home from your bests house to get migraine tablets……and leave with 3 new blu rays, 5 bottles of Imperial Leather bubble bath, a pack of white chocolate pancakes and 5 rhubarb and custard car smellies.
I love late night Asda trips. Cheap stuff to help with my grief over the loss of our Saturday night haunt. A place of memories of following the singer of The Audition round, meeting band memver after band member, sweating out approximately ooooh 8 litres of sweat and drinking far too many Jagerbombs. Cockpit. Thou shalt be missed.
Jon can be a sweetheart sometimes. After not sleeping for over 36 hours due to migraines and headaches caused by stress, he pretty much carries me to bed, undressses me then gets me in my night clothes and tucks me in with Sir Fizz and Sully.
I’ve recently been very lost and not feeling like myself.
Since starting this job I’ve become a bit of a shell of what I used to be. This move was meant to be one of gaining confidence and making moves forward and I actually feel like I’ve taken abouy 4 steps backwards in life.
Anybody would say that I’m crazy for complaining that I literally sit from 9-5:30 everyday doing minimal work, but the matter of fact is I hate it. I hate not having the ability to organise as I go, to have separate, yet matching folders; to have trays and drawers so that I know what I’m doing and when I plan on doing it.
I’ve definitely hit the point in life where I am literally stuck and lost and really do not know what to do with my life. My problem is that I crave learning; I’m always wanting to learn more or learn about how something else works. I crave lessons and work and papers and deadlines. I don’t have this anymore….and I literally am no longer the same person. I feel awful because I’m losing confidence by the hour, I’m losing faith in my abilities and there’s not a thing I can do about it at the moment. I don’t answer texts anymore because I don’t know what to say to people and just don’t have the want to even act happy or jolly when responding.
I need to do something spontaneous. ..but when you’re settled in a relationship and have a house and family that rely on you spontaneity goes out the window. The last time I hit a rut I bought a 1 way ticket to France and stayed there for a fortnight chilling in the mountains, riding horses around the French countryside for hours a day and eating cheeses that we had clambered into caves to find. I went exploring around derelict churches that were unstable yet incredibly beautiful, I endured French railway journeys and went to cowboy rodeos and drunk wine for breakfast. If only I could do all of that again.
I need to find my niche. I’m quite worried that its been staring me in the face since being a youngster.